Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Raising a Non-Compliant Child
If you have a non-compliant child, a child who goes left when the sign clearly says, Go Right, a child who is forever rocking the boat, a child who challenges every single GOD DAMN thing you say… I want you to keep this in mind:
As a social species that relies on herd dynamics to survive, we humans have a natural affinity for compliance. It makes evolutionary sense.
We like everyone to fall in line.
We like everyone to wait their turn.
We like everyone to get along.
We like everyone to agree.
We like it when hands are raised before answers are given.
We like order. We like control…
We like these things because they make us feel safe.
We want to be able to say, “Because I said so.“
We want to be able to say, “Because that’s just the way it is,” and have that be enough.
This all makes for an orderly, well-organized society. This makes life neat and tidy.
The dark side of compliance.
The problem is that we like compliance a little too much.
And when we are compliant, we don’t ask questions.
We don’t wonder if there might be a better way.
We let the person in charge make the decisions.
We relinquish responsibility (after all, we didn’t make the rules – that’s just the way it is).
The problem with compliance is that all change and growth in life depends on someone saying:
“Wait, hang on, why do we do it this way?”
Or, “No, I don’t think I will.”
Or, “Actually, I’m going to go this way instead.”
Thankfully, compliance is a pill that some people can’t swallow. Thank God!
Change requires non-compliant people
Very possibly, some of the most important change in the world required non-compliant people – those who would not follow, and would not do as they were told.
Those who would not get in line, and refused to move to the back.
Those who said enough is enough, and those who didn’t care if ‘that’s how it has always been done.’
Your life is probably easier if you are a compliant person. But honestly, the future of humanity – and probably our planet – may rest on the shoulders of the non-compliant few.
I wish that I could say that I am one of these brave few. But I’m not. My spirit craves harmony and runs from conflict.
But I did marry one – my brave black sheep – who will speak up even when everyone else looks the other way in discomfort and embarrassment. He was challenging as a child, and in many ways, continues to be challenging as an adult, because he doesn’t just go with the flow. He is often-times a source of disharmony. But he is also a source of honesty and truth – and today, our world could use more of that.
A lot more.
So, if you are raising one of those precious black sheep, one of the ones who would rather face punishment and discomfort than give in, one of the ones who isn’t afraid to confront authority or walk an unmarked path, one of the ones who will ask why until you want to tear the hair from your very head…
thank you.
Because, I know… you’ve got a harder row to hoe, and your parenting journey has probably had more uphill inclines than down.
You are raising a future change maker.
And for that, the world owes you a debt of gratitude.
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